ugh

So, I'm finally doing what I've been pushing off for a few years. Foot surgery. I met with my podiatrist today to discuss my future surgery and I am taking the dive.  

& I'm scared to death.

Background: Since I can remember, I have had bones that protrude on either side of my feet, quite unattractive but more so painful than anything. I'm sure 17 years of intensive ballet school didn't help. I have been made fun for years both to my face and behind my back for as long as I can remember. I don't understand why people can be so mean? 

I can't take another summer spent hiding my feet in the sand, cringing when I wear flip flops or feeling extreme pain when I wear my riding boots, or my high heels, even my ballet flats and oh yea, sneakers... yes sneakers even hurt like hell. 

A reason Ive put this off has been because of my lifestyle. I'm busy with a very busy moving schedule. To have to put my life on hold for 3 weeks on bed rest seems nearly impossible. No summer classes either :(

& the gym... No elliptical, No treadmill No stair climber for 3 months! 3 months! I yelped when the doctor told me.  But Ill tell you this, Ill have my upper body and core looking reallllll good because at least I will be able to work out my upper body. Don't judge the girl with surgical sneakers on the chest press.

Another reason I have put this off has been my love of shoes. As I've matured I've learned this really doesn't matter anymore. Well, not entirely anymore just not as much as I once thought.  As for my gorgeous high heel collection....(insert tears) well, I don't even want to think about those babies. I hate to sound so superficial but my beautiful shoes! One day, someday.... I will be able to dust them off and wear them if all goes planned. I've come to accept that it will be a long time before I'm able to strut down 5th Avenue in those beauties. 

A total of 3 months in the NYC heat  hobbling on crutches.  Oh this will be fun.

But, it is ok. Really. I've put this off long enough. The surgery will consist of WARNING *Don't read if you are squeamish: Shaving my bones down, breaking my bones to realign with screws & metal rods then finally re-navigating my muscles, tendons and ligaments. 

I've been asked how painful this surgery is on a scale of 1 to10? Hmmm. Well you tell me what a total foot reconstruction would feel like? My guess is that this will hurt like *^*$(@ hell!

& That my friend is my Friday. 

I normally end off on a good note, but I'm not feeling like that today. I have the rest of the weekend to study for finals and then choose the dates for the surgery.

 ****update*** 
I aced my finals! I continue to hold a 4.0! Not easy but totally worth it.

Sigh.

Meems