Just one of those days….Its dreary out here in NYC and I woke up today with something weighing quite heavy on my back. This heavy feeling is not a new feeling ….It’s been there and I’ve tried hard to cover it and yet whatever I do its still there. I think this is what guilt feels like. Guilt, disappointment in yourself and a feeling of embarrassment all balled into one ugly heavy backpack of crap.
A few months ago, without getting into too much detail, I made the mistake of not reaching out to someone personally during a life event. My feelings were put first and I was all too self-consumed in my own world that I let it get to a point where it’s just been too darn long. I should have made an apology from the get go. I should have apologized immediately. Why is apologizing so damn difficult to do?
I’m working on myself and know there are characteristic flaws of mine that do affect the relations with others around me. I’m not a perfect human. But I do strive to be the best I can be, for me and for others. It’s important that I make this situation right for so many reasons.
Have you ever experienced this? Has it been hard for you to make an apology and say “Im sorry”?
I know we all make mistakes. Not one soul on earth is perfect. Sure, we all like to be on the recipient end of an apology but giving one is different. Way different.
Who likes to admit they are wrong? Is it the fear of rejection? The idea or thought that the person you are apologizing to will give you the cold shoulder?
Or maybe we don’t apologize because we want to stay in denial. If you don’t apologize then it’s almost as if nothing were done wrong. I know, this is absurd and a selfish way of thinking but it happens.
Maybe it’s my own vulnerabilities…..I get nervous and when I’m nervous I ramble. It’s not a fun thing to see. I ramble, sweat , stutter …repeat. I like to feel in control, this has me feeling the complete opposite.
Apologies are kind of like soul baring. I’m open to a point. I live a pretty private life other than the pleasant things I choose to show to you via my blog. Soul baring opens me up and I’m not quite comfortable in that place. Apologizing is accepting responsibility for hurting another, and who wants to admit they have hurt another. It’s difficult to see ourselves in a less than positive light and truly see our flaws.
Being vulnerable opens you up to relationships. We all want to feel safe with the people that are in our circle and vice versa. Not doing so makes you (made me) seem untrustworthy and I’m all about the complete opposite. Making things right is important to me.
I hope this post inspires you to suck it up and reach out to the person you hurt. It’s not easy, you may stutter ramble and sweat…. But it is the right thing to do to make the situation right.
I’d love to hear from you. Any tips that you can share with us that helps get the words out “im sorry” ?
Xo
Meems
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